The real world
When was the last time you made a true, genuine friend. Not a business contact, not a lead, but a true, genuine, bail you out kind of friend?
Social media has created great opportunities for us to meet, interact and connect with scores of new people. But very rarely do we meet new friends. Let’s start by defining a friend. I found a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote, “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” But I want to go a bit further. Here’s how I’ve defined a friendship:
A friend is a person that you can share emotions with, share a meal with and share a memory with. A friend invites two-way communication and is not a one-sided relationship. A friend has earned your respect and a friend will be there when you need him or her.
Making friends
I’m curious how you make friends. As a society, our social skills are shifting online. People’s popularity is determined by the number of Myspace friends or the number of followers on Twitter. But we still are wired to crave human interaction. And that’s where friends come in to play.
Making friends is incredibly difficult as you get older. As geeks, we love heading to meetups, Tweetups and drinkups. That’s a sociological behavior. We are able to congregate due to a common interest. In fact, an article from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration says “To meet new people who might become your friends, you have to go to places where others are gathered.”
But it’s hard to begin a friendship by exchanging business cards. These networking gatherings are just that — networking. Making a true friend is a challenge.
Keeping friends
I don’t mean to say that it inpossible to make new, true friends. In fact, I have made connections that I am beginning to consider friends. But how do you keep them, how do you transition from contact to friendship. I think it all begins with that skill most of us have: communication.
All of these tools can now be used as a friendship building device. Send somebody a DM on Twitter to meetup for coffee. Create an event on Facebook and invite people to your house for a wine tasting. See, social media CAN be used for good.
I would love to know what you think about this and how you make and keep friends.
Great post! I’ve been thinking about this very subject quite a bit recently. I’m quickly approaching my 4th year in Seattle. In that time my blog has gain a more avid following, I started to Twitter and have quite a few “friends” there, I’ve connected with lots of “lost friends” through Facebook but when it comes right down to it I haven’t really made any of new “bail you out” friends since I’ve lived here.
I think the reason that many of my friendships don’t get off the ground is because I always feel like I’m making the effort to put things together and then after a while I get resentful of being the “planner” and stop and then the relationship falls apart. I’d love to find some friends that love to play activities and fun get-togethers as much as I do so the work was shared.
Thanks for sharing your feelings and if you find the magic answer, make sure you let me know.
According to Google translate, you said “Many thanks for the tremendous idea! I would follow the blog, lot of interesting things. And my blog on science, I hope you like it too.”
So, for the great comment, I say “Спасибо!”(thank you!)
Jamie, Thank you for the great comment. I appreciate you stopping by.
And yes, all of us geeks are an introvert to some degree.
A very thoughtful post. It ~is~ very hard to make friends. And, as you indicate, it’s easy to make acquaintances. But I’ve made some by following a few people who I’ve subsequently met at places like Gnomedex (“To meet new people who might become your friends, you have to go to places where others are gathered.”) And at least one has turned into a real friend; one’s I stay in touch with and feel connected to. Geeks like me tend to be a bit reclusive; it’s why I like code or hardware in some measure. My social skills are adequate but I’m not a very outgoing type. Shy, I guess. Be that as it may, I think that making real friends takes intention and being out in the world. It’s more than just following someone on Twitter or a blog. Face time is the key to both making, and keeping, a good friend. and even then, not everyone is going to become a “good” friend. I guess the lesson is to keep yourself open, talking and moving forward in the crowd.